Hey, it's been even longer
So now in the final month of my medical school career, I get back to posting. Here is a quick summary of what has been going on.
Residency - I matched into Pediatrics. I did apply to both EM and peds since I really liked them both. I also had my significant other's dreams of law school to take into account so my Match list was a mix of EM and pediatrics. I I won't deny that it has caused some awkwardness among some of my EM peeps but what can you do? did get my first choice peds program, which is awesome, and I can't wait to start. (after I enjoy this last month of fewer responsibilities)
Married - I got married in April. We were engaged exactly 5 months to the day. It was wonderful, scary, amazing, and everything in the same time. I can't even being to talk about what it was like. We did the whole Jewish wedding with the Ketubah, Hora, chuppah (aka marriage contract, chair dance, and wedding canopy). We honeymooned on a nice Caribbean cruise, and I can't even start about how lucky I am to be married to such a great man. It is still a little tough to get used to saying my new name and that I am a 'Mrs.'
Sickness - I had my tonsils removed in February for my second peritonsillar abscess. I only burst the scab once and didn't have to be hospitalized overnight for it. Other bad bad news, my dad has colon cancer. We thought we lucked out that we caught it early and it was only stage 2. Our luck didn't last because genetic testing revealed a higher possibility of reoccurrence and he is in a study that gives him some very aggressive chemo. This has been extremely hard on my family. He was able to walk me down the aisle with my mother which was very important to me.
Moving - I am relocating for my residency and my new husband's law school. I am finally moving out of the Midwest to somewhere warm! At least for the three years it will take for me to finish residency. The husband got into a law program he loves - almost like we planned it. ;) It is hard to try to pack everything we own to move to a new state. My brother, who is getting married in July, only has to move across town to his new house.
Med school is ending. Wow, it is really ending and I am going to be a doctor. Wow again.
Labels: colon cancer, doctors, Jewish, marriage, medical school, moving, physician, wedding
Happy 1 year anniversary
When I started this blog last year, I was writing with a broken heart and belief that I may not be worth anything. I was facing Step 1 and the wide unknown of Med 3 waiting over the horizon. There was lots of anger, lots of freaking out, and general questioning of if I should or shouldn't even keep going. My future seemed to stretch in front of me as a wide expanse of loneliness and unhappiness.
In the past year, I've gone 32 hours without sleep. I lost an election, got written up, and made a few enemies in the medical community. On the other hand, I've delivered a baby by myself. I was referred to as 'doctor' by patients who wanted my advice. I danced with the dance majors at the university and earned a brown belt in judo. I wrote the first third year emergency medicine elective at my school and won the state judo championship. I discovered some amazing people on my rotations and helped some of my friends through what could be the worst times of their lives.
One year later, I am no longer questioning what I am doing. I disagree with many things in medicine, but I do not doubt that I am doing the right thing by being here. I feel that I am stronger and more in control that I was during med 2. Recently, I started reading the blog of a melanoma patient
Sarah who is dying, and when she was well enough, she had written about the things she'd delayed or missed because she thought she'd have time for it later. She talked about how fear and the ease of putting things off makes all of us miss things we should be embracing.
That being said, I'm going to open up about something. For the past 5 months, I have been seeing someone, stating that it's nothing serious and that I don't want commitment. I've had this box around myself, insisting that I don't feel anything beyond the enjoyment of hanging out.
To steal portions of the
Izzy' Steven's speech:"I am an optimist. I am hopeful. I am not sure . . . [] I can't promise the future. I can't promise perfection because we're us and I'm me and who knows what will happen . . . "
What did that mean? It means that I am acknowledging my willingness to figure out if I have a future with this person. I'm not ready for 'forever' right now, and nowhere near saying the 'l word,' but I am saying that I'm not going to pretend anymore that I don't care. I see it as a very distinct possibility that things will come crashing down and I will be broken, but unless I open up to the pain, the possibility of falling for him and making things permanent does not exist.
You miss 100 percent of the swings you don't take.
Labels: failure, grey's anatomy, love, medical school, melanoma, relationships, sarah
