Caffeine Free in Med 3

The lives and times of Marissa Cooper

Alas, today on the OC, it would appear that Marissa Cooper has gone to the great mall in the sky. While I used to very seriously watch the OC with my TV buddies, none of whom I see anymore, I sort of stopped as its campy quality feel. Putting all of that aside, let us take this moment to mourn the loss of Marissa's dysfunctional personality and look back on the happier times in her life. Oh, wait, when were those?

Okay, so I guess we'll look at really stupid storylines revolving around Marissa each season. (Thank you Television Without Pity for your recapping help.

Season 1: Marissa goes to Tijuana and takes a bunch of painkillers - the start of her randomly appearing and disappearing problem with substance abuse. Her parents were getting divoraced, and her boyfriend cheated on her. Sweetheart, just wait until that soon to be ex-boyfriend starts sleeping with her mom. Good thing Ryan was there to rescue her. Don't worry, she makes friends with Stalker-azi Oliver, whom she meets at the counselor's office. He eventually goes all nuts and gun-waving crazy - but Ryan rescues her then too.

Season 2: After Ryan leaves for a whole summer to wait for the impending birth of his possible love child, Marissa makes an attempt to date first DJ the lawn boy, and then Alex, during that ill fated experiment with lesbianism. She and Alex probably actually break up because Marissa proved how useless she was by being unemployed and unable to do laundry. Post camp-out with Ryan in a mall, she later almost gets raped by his brother, but ends up shooting him while he is beating the crap out of Ryan on the day of Marissa's step-fathers funeral.

Season 3: Though Ryan originally takes the blame for the shooting, Marissa ends up being sentenced to public school - who cares? Most of the audience is in public school too. Either way, she and Ryan finally have sex, but she screws it up by getting weird feelings for the pseudo-Ryan (Johnny). Don't worry, Johnny drunkenly kills himself for Marissa - which reminds us that she is an alcoholic long enough to have a six episode downward spiral. She comes out of it to help keep her sister from being expelled with the use of a very short prep school skirt. And then of course be killed at the end of tonight's episode by another guy obsessed with her. Ryan does rescue her from the burning car.

Okay in summary, let's look at the count. Healthy relationships - 0. Dysfunctional relationships - Luke, Ryan, Oliver, DJ, Alex, Ryan, Trey, Ryan, Johnny, Volchek. Umm, that is like 10, but let's go with 8. And how many of those people became obsessed with Marissa in a DSM-VII way - Oliver, Trey, Johnny, and Volchek. All of them either resorted to assualt or suicide attempted or otherwise. Volchek is the clear winner for actually killing her.

Hopefully the correct person will be prosecuted for the crime - aka - not Ryan again. He should totally hire Mars Investigations to help him because that's right Veronica Mars has been renewed!

posted by Allie @ 7:19 PM