Not all learning is from books
On the eve of my boards, I have made a realization (or more of an acceptance) at last about people in general. Some people simply do not want to risk anything to be happy. For many people, in fact, it is safer to stay in that safety zone and never take the chance because they could fail and get hurt.I don't understand that at all. I'm nothing amazing, no one particularly special, but I can't imagine deliberately choosing to not be happy. I guess I can't 'settle.' Someone I used to know informed me that they were going to settle with their level of not-unhappy because actually being happy would take more than they were willing to put into it. They would rather feel 'not much' than feel 'alot', and nothing will change their mind.
In the past I would have pleaded and begged them to change, but not anymore. I can't control their choice or anyone's choices except my own. I'm finally becoming able to accept that just because there is a positive solution, some people will simply choose not to take it. They know they are broken, and that there is a cure, but they would prefer to remain broken. The fear of change is greater than their pain at where they are, and all the support or love or help in the world won't make a difference. This a probably a good lesson to have learned before I start med 3, but it's a horrible one to have to experience.
At least I know who I am. I don't settle. 'Not miserable' is not a substitute for 'happy.' I'm either all in or all out. There isn't any half way with me.
posted by Allie @ 11:04 PM
1 Comments:
Good luck on your boards! I'm sure you will rock its socks (if the exam were to wear socks).
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