Not all learning is from books
On the eve of my boards, I have made a realization (or more of an acceptance) at last about people in general. Some people simply do not want to risk anything to be happy. For many people, in fact, it is safer to stay in that safety zone and never take the chance because they could fail and get hurt.
I don't understand that at all. I'm nothing amazing, no one particularly special, but I can't imagine deliberately choosing to not be happy. I guess I can't 'settle.' Someone I used to know informed me that they were going to settle with their level of not-unhappy because actually being happy would take more than they were willing to put into it. They would rather feel 'not much' than feel 'alot', and nothing will change their mind.
In the past I would have pleaded and begged them to change, but not anymore. I can't control their choice or anyone's choices except my own. I'm finally becoming able to accept that just because there is a positive solution, some people will simply choose not to take it. They know they are broken, and that there is a cure, but they would prefer to remain broken. The fear of change is greater than their pain at where they are, and all the support or love or help in the world won't make a difference. This a probably a good lesson to have learned before I start med 3, but it's a horrible one to have to experience.
At least I know who I am. I don't settle. 'Not miserable' is not a substitute for 'happy.' I'm either all in or all out. There isn't any half way with me.
MP3 players aren't for extending use
So I'm learning that MP3 player earbuds were not designed with board studying med students in mind. I probably shouldn't be wearing them for 11 hours because my ears really started to hurt.
Fortunately, my ear pain in no way impairs my eyes, unlike some undergrads who were studying in the library today. A few didn't read that 'cell phones should be used in the stairwell' sign - rather than the main studying area. Or the giggling girls who felt it was necessary to be loud and annoying by the elevators.
I do have the best brother in the world. He came by yesterday to help me review in a subject he knows nothing about. You can't ask for more that that. While he did eat a significant amount of my food, he really put himself out there for me. I have no idea what I did to deserve a great brother like that.
Random number in my life - I own 8 white tank tops. I started buying them because they were good staples of any wardrobe, but I think this is getting a little bit out of control.
AerOhio and I
It is a tough week to be
AerOhio since someone
died today during a tandem jump. The diver apparently 'slipped' out of her harness - and died by hitting the ground at an excess of 120 mph.
It's funny/scary because about a month about 10 OSU med students/affiliates went sky-diving with AerOhio. And last weekend, I think, the OSU sky diving class took about 50-70 students there. A girl in my tap class is in the class, and she is still around. Thinking about my recent experience, I wonder how the person slipped out. They kept checking how tightly I was strapped in, and you are connected to the experienced jumper by 4 hooks. Then that led me to wondering if that nice 22 year-old college student I jumped with was the guy who was hooked to her.
I do know I signed alot of forms before going up, which absolved AerOhio of my possible death - though I could have purchased some type of insurance for 50,000 dollars. I opted to not purchase that, though maybe a fellow Kaplan teacher - D.H. - who recently completed at least jump #39, might want to start thinking about it.
Big shout out to
Sanjida who posted on this first and was actually one of the reasons I ever considered jumping out of a plane.
Anyone want to miss OSU med school graduation to come watch my tap performance? Lol, didn't think so. It starts at 7pm in the dance building, but I have no idea who long it will last or when we'll be up. We're dancing to
M.I.A.'s 'Pull Up the People.' I can appeal to all males because there will be either lots of girls shaking it on stage - or it is dance with excellent choreography set to a political rant. Girls, same goes for you.
And mostly, I get to do toe stands. Seriously, it is that fun.
Chivalry isn't dead, but lots of the Xmen are
So the guy held doors for me, and opened my car door, and waited till I sat to sit down at dinner. Chivalry might not be dead after all.
The following is a review for X-men: The Last Stand.
This was one of those movies where it would make zero sense if you hadn't seen the first two. If you had, then things would make sense, and you wouldn't mind they don't explain who is who. I'll try to keep this snarky but semi-spoiler free.
The Random: Part of being a super villian/villianess would be the obligatory eVil outfit of red and black. When I head over to the dark side, I'll hire Jean Grey's stylist. Interesting that being dead and coming back to life turns your hair 4 shades more red and let's you kiss as many hot X-men as possible. And just because you have an Oscar and got a bigger part this year, Ms. Berry, you really need to get those highlights retouched.
The Good: Hugh Jackman, I would watch him read a phone book. I'm fine with watching him kill people, fight for the woman he loves, and periodically get his flesh peeled off. Oh, did I mention claws? I will forgive that you are actually over six-feet tall, though Wolverine is supposed to be very short. Also, the constant Captain Picard versus Gandalf dynamic gets better each time. Sure, they have the same arguement each time, but that is what seperates superheroes from supervillians - and the aforementioned eVil outfit.
Also important,
McSteamy, aka Dr. Mark Sloan, from
Grey's Anatomy made an appearance as Multiple Man. Let's just say there is more than enough to go around.
The Okay: There was a high body count, and I don't mean 'soldier #4,5, 24, and 34.' They kill people who actually have lines and are in the movie for more than one scene. This series isn't afraid to kill off people we care about (or did if we saw the previous movies). It's great, assuming your favorite character didn't die. And also, Angel/Warren Worthington III, it's cool you were in the movie and all, but when people have ice and reality destroying powers, your wings just seem boring.
The Bad: What is a 'level 5' mutant? I have no idea, and I speak geek.
This is the best I could come up with. Anna Paquin, it's time to get a new agent or use your will like Halle Berry did to get more to do during the next movie. My favorite character, Rogue, did zilch during this movie. Apparently this is what happens when you are assigned to be a 'conflicted' character with no action-worthy superpower - see my Angel comment.
All in all, the movie was pretty good. I'm not sure how it ranks up against the other two. I think the original might be my favorite because it was more character focused. This one was so full of events, I never felt like we had time for real character developement, unless your name is Wolverine.
I am Christina Yang
Okay, yes, I know I am supposed to be board studying, right now, but I needed to comment - I am currently living the life of Christina Yang. My room is her apartment. I have a bunch of magazines I'm not reading, I'm not washing clothes - I'm buying new ones so I don't have to do laundry. The only thing I have in my fridge is yogurt and mozzeralla cheese. The maids that John hired to come here didn't run away screaming, I actually pilled everything up on my bed so they could at least vaccuum.
(That clean floor is presently covered in papers again.)
People may be wondering what is with the tap dancing. I mean, seriously, aren't I busy enough? That is the thing about tap class. For 1.5 hours, I am not a med student. I'm just a middle of the pack dancer who doesn't care about the brachial plexus or toxoplasmosis infections. I'm not being smart, I'm not trying to find the cure for cancer. I'm not worried about professionalism or anything. I am being me, for better or worse.
Back to the books!
Evil evil clocks
So I was studying today, and I knew I had tap class at 2:30. I checking the clock by the water fountain over and over. Unfortunately, someone hasn't adjusted the clock or its battery is dying. Either way, I left at what I thought was 2pm, and it was actually 3pm. I got thrown into the staging of the tap dance. I"m in the middle front/middle.
It seriously is like riverdance. I mean, some of the OSU real dancers have the real shoes. And even funnier, one of them looks like half a girl in my class and the other half of a girl in my class. Fortunately, both halves seem to like me.
However, the crappy part of the class is that I have to write a paper - 3 pages - vaguely related to tap. I was considering writing about my undying love for
Michael Flatley, but it seems that someone
has already done that.
Maybe I'll just give up and go on a
rampage. Too bad they won't have places to work when they get over it.
Hitting the ground running
I did some counting today and really realized how soon my test was. It also reminded me how busy I was this weekend - not studying - though I did read the same pre-Bcell page about 6-10 times. This is what happens when people you rarely see hang out with you and need you to answer questions. It also is what happens when your opinion suddenly starts counting at the state OSMA level.
And my poor little Cleveland heart is breaking for my city's teams. The Cavs lost, twice, the Indians lost too. I had a chance to go to the game, but instead thought I would study. I didn't. I ended up rubbing elbows and hanging out in the 3000 dollars a night Presidential Suite in the Cleveland Intercontinental Hotel. I eventually found my way back to our 'wonderful'
hotel. Fortunately, my disappointement was alleviated by a quality game of UNO. Actually, I lost every single hand of UNO.
If you see me in the library for next 2 weeks, I may seem very frazzled. Don't take it personally. I have boards in less than 2 weeks. If it doesn't involve studying, I will probably be skipping it. Due to Boards stress, I've had to vote some guys off the island. Only the strong survives this immunity challenge.
In honor of my life set now to the soundtrack of Grey's Anatomy, Scrubs, and Veronica Mars, below you will find some of the lyrics to Maria Taylor's 'Song Beneath a Song.'
Cryptic words meander
Now there is a song beneath the song.
One day you'll learn
You'll soon discern its true meaning.
The lives and times of Marissa Cooper
Alas, today on the OC, it would appear that Marissa Cooper has gone to the great mall in the sky. While I used to very seriously watch the OC with my TV buddies, none of whom I see anymore, I sort of stopped as its campy quality feel. Putting all of that aside, let us take this moment to mourn the loss of Marissa's dysfunctional personality and look back on the happier times in her life. Oh, wait, when were those?
Okay, so I guess we'll look at really stupid storylines revolving around Marissa each season. (Thank you
Television Without Pity for your recapping help.
Season 1: Marissa goes to Tijuana and takes a bunch of painkillers - the start of her randomly appearing and disappearing problem with substance abuse. Her parents were getting divoraced, and her boyfriend cheated on her. Sweetheart, just wait until that soon to be ex-boyfriend starts sleeping with her mom. Good thing Ryan was there to rescue her. Don't worry, she makes friends with Stalker-azi Oliver, whom she meets at the counselor's office. He eventually goes all nuts and gun-waving crazy - but Ryan rescues her then too.
Season 2: After Ryan leaves for a whole summer to wait for the impending birth of his possible love child, Marissa makes an attempt to date first DJ the lawn boy, and then Alex, during that ill fated experiment with lesbianism. She and Alex probably actually break up because Marissa proved how useless she was by being unemployed and unable to do laundry. Post camp-out with Ryan in a mall, she later almost gets raped by his brother, but ends up shooting him while he is beating the crap out of Ryan on the day of Marissa's step-fathers funeral.
Season 3: Though Ryan originally takes the blame for the shooting, Marissa ends up being sentenced to public school - who cares? Most of the audience is in public school too. Either way, she and Ryan finally have sex, but she screws it up by getting weird feelings for the pseudo-Ryan (Johnny). Don't worry, Johnny drunkenly kills himself for Marissa - which reminds us that she is an alcoholic long enough to have a six episode downward spiral. She comes out of it to help keep her sister from being expelled with the use of a very short prep school skirt. And then of course be killed at the end of tonight's episode by another guy obsessed with her. Ryan does rescue her from the burning car.
Okay in summary, let's look at the count. Healthy relationships - 0. Dysfunctional relationships - Luke, Ryan, Oliver, DJ, Alex, Ryan, Trey, Ryan, Johnny, Volchek. Umm, that is like 10, but let's go with 8. And how many of those people became obsessed with Marissa in a DSM-VII way - Oliver, Trey, Johnny, and Volchek. All of them either resorted to assualt or suicide attempted or otherwise. Volchek is the clear winner for actually killing her.
Hopefully the correct person will be prosecuted for the crime - aka - not Ryan again. He should totally hire Mars Investigations to help him because
that's right Veronica Mars has been renewed!
Resistance is futile
So I started listening to the music listed by
Ene from Grey's Anatomy. Bad plan. Bad plan. I stayed up for a long while longer downloading Grey's Anatomy, Veronica Mars, and Scrubs music. I was then late for my Stang session to get it onto my mp3 player, but to hear
Kate Havnevik's music this morning was worth it.
Grey's Anatomy is an addiction. I need some disulfram STAT. Maybe some naloxone. Or some clonidine. Three guesses what subject I studied today . . .
I'm glad to say that
Dave came back from his trip to exotic Utah. I can't wait till we can have our Veronica Mars season finale discussion. I'm praying that CW picks it up for another season this Friday. I don't care if I have to stand in the rain with the rabbit ears next year to get reception, it's worth watching.
The Cavs vs. Pistons series is 3-2. I was offered the chance to join a 'Come Home to Cleveland' facebook group today. I didn't join because I don't need to 'come home to Cleveland.' True Clevelanders can pronounce Geauga and Cuyahoga, loved the Indians when they were 40 and 110, wore orange and blue for the Cavs, had a candle light vigil when the Devil (Art Modell) stole the Browns, and know that no matter how far away you are from the Lake, it's always home.
A highly educational weekend
Things that I learned this weekend.
1. When a guy orders you beer, the proper answer is 'beer's okay, but I'd prefer something else.' Not 'I'll have what your having' or 'I hate beer.'
2. A liter is alot of wine. Light-weights like me, no matter the situation, should not feel the need to help finish it.
3. Black belts do not like it when they can't throw the little green belt. It doesn't mean the black belt doesn't win, it means her coach yells at her for not throwing me.
4. 'My insoles make my shoes squeak' is not an excuse to stop wearing them for your flat feet. I had my first of what will be the many painful morning runs because I stopped wearing them and put them back in to run.
5. My HTML programming is still there - after six years. Why on earth can't my calculus be there too . . .
6. It's a good thing your sister put your name on your mother's day card. A very good thing.
Now I'm going to head to the library and do med school learning. Micro day 3!
Bruises
One of the bad things about judo is the bruises. Everyone seems to like to throw from their right - I know, big shocker there. I'm good at dodging those throws, but my right shin and my left knee really take a beating. I'm a little bit worried about explaining to the guy who is buying me dinner this week why there are very obvious finger marks on my arms.
I got my PPD test today. I had to once again explain that I did have a TB free chest Xray back in July. "Someone broke my ribs, but it wasn't on purpose."
I find I look forward to my advanced tap class WAY too much during the day. I know I have to walk an extra two miles to attend, but who can say dancing with metal nailed to your shoes isn't worth it. Not to mention that it is taught by one very nice gay man who loves Xmen. I really do enjoy the class. Absolutely zero med student brain cells are firing during it. I get to learn how to do all sorts of neat tricks, and all the dance stuff sort of translates back to judo. Coach Brian had to tell me my Harai Goshi looked too much like an arabesque today.
This weekend I have my second judo tournament in my life. My dad is coming to watch. Wrestling was his thing in college, so this is the closest I'll ever get to that.
Long day
I was going to post this late at night, immediately after the fact because I was too 'up' to go to bed, but to smart to stay out later. In the words of my friend, Sarah I, "I feel giddy." However, our power went out as did our wireless, so I got ready for bed by candle light.
While a ton of random events happened today, I must really mention Aaron's and Stacey's birthday party. (And also Rob). They both were turning 25, and it was the first Aaron party I have been at in about a year. I did go to a Dave party last June or something. Otherwise, I have been off the boi scope for about a year.
I didn't really drink much (and it took a long time for what I did drink to work its way out of my system-yay giving blood), but I had fun. I had forgotten how much fun it was to randomly dance for absolutely no reason. It's been a rough this past year, and somehow fun didn't really have a place in it. Before I went to dance, one boi (black shirt, red lettering) looked at me and was like, "You should look happier. You're pretty, thin, nice dark blonde hair, healthy looking, and I can tell you almost any girl you know would trade places with you." That was very sweet of him.
And I danced. I am nothing amazing, but I do have enthusiasm going for me. 'The Electric Slide' did not get played, but the Cha-Cha song and Marcarena did, lol. I'm depending on Stacey and Sanjida for some quality pictures. Or maybe I'm hoping that they didn't get any quality pictures of me. I ended up donating 2 dollars for other people's dollar dances. I was shocked, I tell you, shocked at how tan the abs of the dancer was. To protect the innocent, or not so innocent, I'll stop there because if you locate the aforementioned pictures, I'm sure they will tell the story better than I can.
(Though I know now Dave is never EVER allowed to hold one of my collectable shot glasses.)
And let's hear it for the Cavs. They have made it into the second round of NBA playoffs by beating the Wizards OT in game 6. I am not thinking about our odds when it comes to Detroit, but seriously, for a Cleveland fan - hope springs eternal. Every day I wake up and believe this is 'The Year' for the Browns, the Indians, and the Cavs. It must be somethng they put in the Northeast Ohio water.
Welcome to studying limbo
Today was my last Med 2 test. I will now be trapped in this very exciting world that we can refer to as 'studying limbo' or just plain old 'ISP.' I have a long month ahead of trying to convince myself to study. So I'm not longer a Med 2, and I should be celebrating, but instead I feel 'blah.' It might be because I gave blood today, which has tired me out more than I thought possible. I guess I will save my drinking till tomorrow at
Aaron's.
In other med 3 preparing news, I've tried to cover all my bases for getting prepped now. We got our palm pilots three weeks ago - I'm already a solitaire addict. My friend Erin gave me some scrubs, which I shared (for trying on purposes) with half the med school. I actually sent out an email to all the women in the med school advising them on how to pick their scrub sizes. I even :gulp: included my measurements on there for reference. I turned in my pager form today and will be meeting w/Dean C. about electives.
Now for sports news important to me. One of my friends is throwing discus at a track meet tomorrow. She's really awesome and has already qualified for Nationals. I have a family event and will miss her meet, but I wish I could be there.
Now for sports news less important to me -
Chad Carroll just sold his loyalty to the Royal's on Ebay for $278.74. I love how they make it sound like its such a novel idea. Have they ever been on a date? When faced with two 'okay' guys, you give your loyalty to the one that bought you a better meal. After my last break up, I would place how much a guy is willing to spend on you as a factor in whether or not he sees you have potential.
Wait - I'm not a med 3 yet?
Okay, yes, I know I'm not a med 3 for another month, but I got my schedule today. This is the first time I have really actually realized how close I am to taking care of patients. And how much studying I have to do before boards.
Yes, so I decided to start a blog. It happens. I have 31 days till boards. I have 6 rotations taking up July - July of my next year. I'm seeing about few different guys right now, being AMA chair of the state of Ohio, trying to be a serious participant in judo, and attempting to tap dance my way to the front row against the half of the OSU dance team. (I also juggle chainsaws)
And I will be attempting to do all of this on a caffeine free lifestyle. We'll see if it kills me first.
